Sunday, May 06, 2007
i dont know where to start.
so yaa, i've been doing some soul searching & i've finally convinced myself that the whole embarrassing & self-degrading episode is a result of ennui & teen foible.
maybe all that i thought i felt- love or infatuation or needy or hunger for lust
was all because i was bored to tears so i had to make up some huge deal out of my life
to make it worth living.so that everyday when i wake up i would be faced by some shit to know that im living a life & not merely a doll which is stuck on dusty rack.
maybe it is my weird love for problems, i love problems it makes you think of complex solutions to it.maybe it was all fake & fictitious, that all the feelings were merely a figment of my imagination. so that i could actually do someting, feel an emotion, say despondent and then, i could wallow in self pity.
yaaaaa, i've weird ways of dying from boredome.
i hope it's true.i hate feeling or seen as being pathetic & needy.
i've my previous posts to prove that the past had happen, me being
a pathetic shit.
by the way, i think we should not have ice breaking games, i personally think it's a waste of time.
playing all these games, matching the faces with names, all you get out of it is their names.
but, if you start having mini crushes on boys, girls could really break the whole insecure barrier & go on & on about the guy who doesnt know you exist.
& suddenly, we all become best of friends forgetting the fact that you couldn't even pronounce her name correctly, less her middle name. niceee.
i feel like im asting my $52 on monthly concession fare when i hardly get to have a comfortable bus journey when i go to & from school. it's a total waste of my money & it's a daylight robbery.
furthermore, my bustop is like the 3rd stop from the interchange & already it's filled to the door with passengers that the bus driver didnt even bother to stop. as a result i get late to school & have to take a cab with a total stranger ( i can now cancel that off my things-to-do-before-i-die list).it's either i miss the first, second * third bus because it's so filled or i get to board the bus and end being squashed by eager passengers or greeted by a grumpy bus driver who annoyingly boss us to move to the back of the bus, which is not something pleasant to start my morning with. so what the hell am i paying $52 for? it's like twice the price of the monthly secondary school bus concession so not worth my money.
p.s: my sister is being an unholy bitch. call me childish but i'm give her the silent treatment.
there can only be so much room for one bitch in a household.
♥XOXO